Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids, in fact it's cold as hell

OK here's a meme: what're the biggest musical skeletons in your closet? Disclose some songs or bands or genres that you once loved (or hated), especially if it's information you hope shall remain locked up forever unless someone tags you for this meme. This line of inquiry is not of the so-uncool-it's-cool variety: these skeletons have gotta be something just irrevocably uncool. Here are mine:

• I used to despise rap music. From 1981 to 1986, I thought rap (this was long before everyone called it hip-hop) was stupid: a moronic soundtrack for idiots and bullies. Back then you had to take sides; I was required to love rock, or rap, but never both. So I sided with AC/DC and Journey against Whodini and Funky 4+1. Didn't help that I had a bigoted stepdad who was terror-forming my opinions in a racially charged neighborhood, but I don't intend to shift blame to that sad bastard. I think it boils down to this: heavy metal was the perfect screechy caucasian score for angst, downy moustaches, and nocturnal emissions. Rap didn't seem to cover that territory very well: to my young ears it always sounded too cocksure and belligerent. The door between them was kicked in circa 1986 when police were called to my house (twice) for said stepdad's behavior, and I reckoned (correctly) that rap would rattle him even further, create the necessary gulf. That's when Radio and Licensed to Ill and King of Rock hit my dinky boombox and ... OK now I'm sounding like I was actually very cool and visionary: not the purpose of this post. (And anyway I remember buying – and loving – Zep's Coda on the same day as Radio, even preferring it for at least a month.)
  
• When I was seven, I stared for hours at the cover of Elton John's Greatest Hits to imagine what was underneath those white pants. This was my first musical crush, yes it was. The LP was later destroyed (when I was nine) in a team effort by mom and Memère. I think I was being punished for backsassing and stonewalling (still my two major talents) -- but let's say that Memère could not split that vinyl over her knee or under her heel. It ended up -- scuffed and warped but still whole -- theatrically shuttled down our apartment's garbage chute. (n.b. I still adore Elton's seventies work, especially his Muppets Show appearance, which sealed my fate as a music fanatic.)
  
• I once made a flirtatious mix tape composed entirely of Robyn Hitchcock songs. Despite my best intentions, this ended up a stinkbomb tossed into an already awkward dorm-dalliance; I think you can guess the rest. (I do still dig the Soft Boys, though.)
  
• For several years, I hated Cat Stevens only because Robert Christgau told me to. This was years into my "adulthood", after having fallen in love with Tea for the Tillerman and Mona Bone Jakon as a kid. I'm not sure if it was Xgau's authority and wit, or the more basic fact that I hate mushbrains, but I was a sneering idiot about Cat for nearly a decade. Now I'm back to thinking beardo Yusuf was pretty great: at least twenty classic songs under his belt, and a unique emo-rhythm that's probably most of what propelled Ani DiFranco and Elliott Smith in their prime.

I'm not gonna tag anyone specifically for this meme: I've made too many enemies through meme-tag-neglect (though I bet Sharyn, Bill, Cecile, Kate, and Taylor would truly enjoy revealing their own skeletons heh heh.) Anyone else reading this, consider yourself tagged ya skeleton-closeting bastids!