99 Sid Luft Balloons

Based on what little evidence I could gather, Sid Luft apparently did little more than accumulate money, produce A Star is Born, and get hitched to some awesome women (Judy Garland was his most valuable acquisition, though I must give props to that "Claudette Colbert with biceps", Lynn Bari, who got to him first). Luft was something of a self-made monster, a man who started out a pencil-necked geek and then built himself up into a belligerent muscular bully. Although the obituary of Sid "One-Punch" Luft does leave lots of stuff out, I do admire the understatement of the final line:

He married an actress, Camille Keaton, in 1993.

Yes yes, those of you who inadvertentlywatched the despicable rape-flick I Spit On Your Grave will recall Keaton as the clawed-and-battered protagonist, assaulted by a herd of hollow-cheeked rednecks (one of 'em's mentally retarded!) who seem to regard gang-rape as the charming equivalent of a taffy pull. Unwatchable snuff-film aesthetics throughout, though I have to admit I did love the scene where Keaton slices off Mr.Soon-to-be-livin'-the-rest-of-his-short-ass-life-in-agonizing-pain rapist's penis in the bathtub.

In any case, I do wonder how Sid Luft, who tumesced over the beautiful fin-de-siecle Judy Garland swinging her silky hair around a trolley, ended up courting a notorious twig-scraped snuff star. Maybe it's all about two battered and damaged souls finding each other after a relentless subsoil grub-search. In which case I bet both finally found true love.

I bet Judy, hat cocked over her right eye, is smiling around the corner welcoming Sid to the Purgatory he's been fending off for forty-odd years. Cheers to you, Sid: boring guy, fascinating wives.